The Origin Of Zzakk's Garage

In 1980 I made this little sign and put it up in my apartment
in Clifton Park, New York. I was visiting Texas while my brother
worked on his Triumph Bonneville motorcycle in my kitchen.
After we both moved back here it went up in our garage, where he
pursued his various hobbies while I practiced new songs for my band,
late into the night.
Many cold beers and stuff were enjoyed, and our guests always had
fun and maybe learned a thing or two.
He kept the sign all these years, and I named this
site in honor of those days gone by.

Let Me Out

(Another one of my photos that was shot from the open window of
a car).
The blonde kid in the middle was dorking-out, and his friend was
looking so completely embarrassed that I got the camera ready.
When he finally looked at me I took the shot, then he realized how busted he was and started to laugh.

Dog Butt

I apologize for this in advance, but the story must be told.
Here is a picture of the worst ass I have ever seen
on a living thing in my entire life:

Her name is D O G, pronounced Dee Oh Gee.
At 13 years of age she has her problems, just like everyone.
Hip dysplasia, seborrhea, itchy butt, some recent
bite wounds to the head...the usual for most of us, right?
But D O G never complains. Hell no.
What makes her extra-special to us all is that D O G is a
Hurricane Rita Evacuee from the Galveston Texas area.
I like her because she's a good dog every minute of the year.
And she's family.
But her butt is the worst on the planet.
You should come see it.

Mayor Punkass

When the voting closed at 7pm on election day I realized
that campaign signs are suddenly just so much trash,
free for the taking.
Knowing that it would come in handy someday I grabbed
one of (Loser) Julian Castro's signs and tossed it into
Zzakk's Garage.
After all of the international media coverage of San Antonio's
magnificent efforts to help the survivors of Hurricane Katrina
I realized just how comforting it was to see Mayor Hardberger
on the TV screen, in his relaxed old Texan manner, assuring
the world that everyone who needs our help will get it.
Can you imagine Julian Castro inspiring any confidence at all?
This youngster would have produced a shitload of soundbites
making San Antonio look like a city full of idiots.

Busted Head

A title like that ought to bring in some freaks
doing sick google, yahoo and msn searches.
Sorry guys, it's just a busted sprinkler head.

Wasting water like this makes me sick. There's
only so much in the (vast) Edwards Aquifer,
and we need to conserve every drop because...
what's that?...a hurricane is coming?
So you're saying I won't have to water my lawn for
three weeks, and the aquifer is going to fill to the top
again?
And a bunch of folks are going to lose everything
they have, and maybe die?
Hmmm.
Maybe I can relax my tight-assed water theories and
admit that it's a renewable resource in this part of
Texas, just like coyotes, cattle and corn.

Y'all be careful out there.
If evacuation is recommended, just go. Now.

Godspeed, my fellow Texans!

RUN!

Chickenshits.
There's plenty of time.

Fire Line

A house burned down near here recently, and I could
see from the street that there were a shitload of
great photo-ops in the wreckage.
But the authorities put up the 'fire line' tape, so
like a good boy I didn't hop the fence.
And when I say "good boy" I mean idiot.

Snow?

Believe it or don't, but we found snow on Sunday the 11th.
In San Antonio.
In September.
Outdoors.
I made a perfect wet snowball and threw it really far.

None of the snow was 'yellow', but some of it was dirty.
There weren't any Bigfoot prints in it either.

Surprise!

I was shooting several trains working an area
just south of downtown, and lost track of this one.
I was a little freaked-out when he reappeared
around the side of a building, but I kept my
composure and got my exposure.

TacoBell Sauce

First let me say that we LIKE TacoBell.
It's a good value, always tastes the same, and is simple
decent food.
Now, don't think we don't know what real Mexican food is
all about. It's in our blood, and while we enjoy the
excellent fare at Jacala's, Don Pedro's, and Los Barrios
among others, family recipes from Mexico and the Rio Grande
Valley mean that the real deal gets cooked at home, too.
To us TacoBell isn't Mexican food. It's just fast food.
We make our own fresh salsa, too, but there's something
about TacoBell Sauce that's often just the thing
to bring a burrito to life, so whenever we go there we bring
home extra packets.
Until now.
Soon after the cute sayings were added in a copy of
Heinz Ketchup's recent marketing ploy, we noticed that the
local Bell has gotten stingy, and now keeps the sauce packets
behind the counter. You have to ASK for the damn things.
This sucks big time, and we're pissed off about it.
How are we to know whether we feel like mild, hot or "fire"
ahead of time? What if you just want one more, but the counter
help is busy? Talk about a pain in the ass!
But there's another reason we're upset. We used to bring extras
home to use on home-cooked meals. That's probably why they
don't let people grab their own anymore: too many of us abused
the privilege.
So of course we were happy to find out that The Bell now
sells their sauce at the grocery store, but there's still
a problem.
You see, we need the packets anyway.
Why?
Because on Halloween, we go all out. Strobes, a smoke machine,
real torches, sound effects, a grave, flying skeletons, rats,
spiderwebs, a scary costume for me to startle them with,
two bloody witches answering the door, etc.
It's like one of those haunted houses you can pay to visit, and
we scare the kids so badly that they literally piss their pants.
And we give out the most, best candy in the neighborhood, too.
What does this have to do with TacoBell Sauce?
Well, after going to all this trouble to give the children a
Halloween to remember, we only ask for one thing in return.
We just want them to bust out with a decent "Trick or Treat!".
That's it.
So when we open the door and some kid holds out his bag
and stares at us without saying his line, well that little idiot
gets no treats. They get tricked!
A couple of TacoBell Sauce packets are the right size, and make
a convincing "plop" when you drop them into the candy bag.
We laugh like crazy imagining the look on their faces when they
get home and find taco sauce instead of the Reeses cups and
Snickers bars that were plainly seen in our big candy bowl.
So we need a couple dozen more sauce packets before the big day,
and now it looks like getting them is not going to be as easy
as it used to be.
And frankly, McDonald's ketchup just isn't as funny.