Sunday, January 20, 2008

Jeans On Display

Sometimes I think the people who design the displays in department stores aren't even trying anymore.
Or trying too hard and failing.

Rolled-up cuffs?
Who the hell does that?

Pockets pulled out?
A popular look among those who are always passed-out drunk on the sidewalk.

Hardware store clamps acting like clothespins?
Try as you might to position these pants as something real men might wear, the facts point directly at your failure.

Men wear blue jeans.
Country types wear Wranglers, I think.
Legends speak of a brand called Lee's.
When your employer pays, it's Dickies.

If a man wants to appear casual--wait, strike that!
When a man is relaxing or working on stuff, he wears older Levi's that are faded and scuffed and might have a hole or two.
This keeps the newer jeans from getting damaged--it's not a fucking fashion statement.

The trousers in the photo are all different colors that simulate various stages of age and hard usage. One pair sports fake stainage as if the wearer was routinely engaged in non-Wii activities of a manly nature.
Lies And Bullshit.

Men don't buy steaks with bite marks or half-smoked cigars or opened cans of beer.
Would you actually pay more for a new car with faded paint and some scratches just to impress upon strangers that you've driven it around awhile?
It makes zero fucking sense.
Scars and wrinkles and skills and wisdom are earned.

If you try to buy them it makes you a poser and a tool.
And everyone knows it just from looking at you!

In related news: Today I saw a white guy wearing his big pants down below his ass like it was 2006, and some muffin-tops that were 5 visits to Starbucks away from becoming loaves of french bread.
It's 2008.
Either go new or go classic--anything else is just plain lazy.

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