No What?

OK, I promise not to do any traspasin, whatever the fuck that is.

Who Is Soft Al?

Just Another Day At Work

A look at the toys I play with besides my camera

My workstation one hot afternoon. I would be standing under the blue sunshade if I weren't way back here taking pictures.

The speakers on the left side of the stage from the same show. I didn't ask, but this PA was probably 30,000 watts rms.


The outboard gear--compressors, equalizers, digital delays and reverbs, RTA, pitch correction, etc.
From a monster 100,000 watt concert sound system I ran last year--fun in the sun!

It looks very confusing, but I know what everything does.
Maybe it helps explain my photography skills--operating a digital camera is a piece of cake compared to hooking-up and running a sound system like these.
At least the technical side of photography.
The eye/brain/heart side is still a mystery to me as far as where it comes from.

Al Gore Versus Eva Longoria-Parker

Which paper would you buy?
The one who's headline is about Al Gore winning the fucking Nobel Peace Prize for his total bullshit eco-politics?
It's in english, and posted a record 6 corrections today "Due to a reporting error...".
Remember learning in school about the last ice age? Earth WILL have another someday. Global warming is natural and cyclical, and man just isn't big enough or bad enough to do a damn thing about the climate on a world-wide scale.
Locally, sure. But the alarmists are full of crap and just want more control over people.
Now that the demand is so high for corn-based ethanol fuel additives "to save the planet!" the price is beyond what the relief agencies can afford.
So millions of tons of corn and corn food products are no longer being given to starving people in Africa, it's being burned in American SUVs.
It's killing people on a tragic scale.
Blame Al. And Michael Moore.
Peace Prize My Ass.

All Eva has done lately is take our NBA Finals MVP point guard off the market by marrying him.
Yes, hearts are broken, as if those deluded women had a chance.
As long as she gives him a hummer once in a while to keep his head in the game where it belongs then I think she's the clear winner here.

Heavy Bag

I kept hearing a strange sound...pap...whenever I was in the backyard...pap...but never in the frontyard...pap...the roofers down the street were finished...pap...what the hell is that sound...pap...maybe if I look over the fence...pap...oh, that's what it is...papclick!

Creepy Monkey Toy

I hate these creepy-ass fucking monkeys!
Have you ever seen one in action?
It either winds up or has batteries, doesn't matter.
But it slams it's cymbals together in a most disturbing way!
Like a full-body convulsion that keeps time, all the while grinning it's "I'm going to kill you after I finish this song" grin.

They were a popular thing in the 1960s, or even the '50s for all I know.
And many many too many TV shows from my childhood would find any excuse to show a quick clip of them doing what they do.
Gave me nightmares, I shit you not.

So imagine my delight at rounding the corner in an antique shop recently only to come face-to-face with my old arch nemesis.
(I was afraid I might drop the real camera so I used my phone to get this shot).

After making my escape it took ten minutes before I had calmed down.

And that's when a second creepy-ass cymbal-playing-fucker-monkey got me!
No photo of #2 because I skipped along out of that monkey-infested antique store from hell.

If they didn't have such a ridiculous price on their tags I would have killed both of their asses for good.
With some of the fine old (and sharp!) tools for sale within easy reach.
And fire.
And chemicals.
And a lawn mower.

And a fucking time machine to send whatever was left back where they came from.

Modern Art Photography In 3D

During the gallery show last month I took these with my phone camera at the biggest art space at Blue Star.
This massive installation is a wood framework covered in hundreds of individual prints, all cut to shape in complete 3D.
The effect is like looking through a fisheye lens at a city scene (South American I think?) and it's all very confusing and complicated.

I would have painted the exposed wood flat black to allow it to fade into the background better.
I pity the poor fool who had to assemble this monstrosity--I recall the footprint as being in the 12x6 feet range and 7 feet tall, more or less.

Hundreds of pieces of wood and even more photos--how do you keep track of it all?
How do you keep from making mistakes?
How do you move it to a potential buyer's home without fucking it all up?

I like the idea of photos used to make wood or cardboard forms look "real"--it's been used in model railroading to great effect.
But simulating a fisheye photo with all the distortion and off-kilter angles?
What a pain in the ass.

Artists are crazy--don't think they aren't.

5 Pounds Of Butter

Blah blah blah butter blah blah street blah mess blah blah.
Blah blah jackass blah blah blah porn blah blah bagels blah.