Thursday, October 27, 2005

The Velvet Rope

Here's a crappy old photo that illustrates an important point.
We need to bring back The Velvet Rope.

From the way the sign is pointing, I AM behind
the yellow line.
And if I 'stand behind yellow line' far enough,
I'll get run over by a train.
If we went back to using The Velvet Rope, like in
the classy restaurants and movie theaters of our
parent's era, everyone would be safe.
The sheer opulence of the brass-on-iron stanchions
coupled with the luxurious authority of the thick
velvet rope itself guarantees that the unwashed masses
will line up all nice and tidy, on the correct side of
the tracks.
(And maybe in the convenience store, too.)

You see, this dumb sign was too easy to move.
The whole velvet rope system is too heavy
and cumbersome for some part-time employee to bother moving
it to the wrong place without a damn good reason.

Sunday, October 23, 2005

Alley Grafitti

Found these in the same alley off Broadway.
I can picture some drunkass idiot waking up with
vague memories of talking to an eight-foot-tall
alien prostitute.

Friday, October 21, 2005


Waiting at the station for your Amtrak train to move out?
Tough Shit.

Thursday, October 20, 2005

Gorilla Spice

Ever see a girl who tries very hard to put together
a trendy outfit, but fails miserably?
The kind of get-up that sends the other girls into
fits of giggles, and sends the guys in the other
I humbly submit to you that the proper name for
such poor creatures is 'Gorilla Spice'.

As far as drinking games, naming the Seven Dwarfs the
fastest is out.
Naming the Spice Girls is in.
Let's see: Sporty, Posh, Ginger, Scary, Baby and Gorilla.
Seven seconds.
Damn, I'm good.

Wednesday, October 19, 2005


Listening to music with headphones seems to cut one off
from their surroundings.
This guy never knew there was an attack-squirrel
within striking distance.

Monday, October 17, 2005

Stencil Grafitti Again

Just found some new gems on metal infrastructure boxes downtown.
They look like the work of the same artist to me, but what do I know?

Friday, October 14, 2005

City Government Silliness

San Antonio's Code-Compliance department has
a mascot! A guy in a city codes book costume!
I can't begin to imagine the reasons for this,
and if the 'what the fuck' look on this kid's face
is any indication, nobody else gets it either.

Sometime this week while I wasn't looking,
Zzakk's Garage passed the 1000 visits milestone.
When you consider that I don't link to this site
from any of my others, or from my signature on
the various discussion forums I visit, the popularity
of Z's G is astonishing to me.
The number of repeat visitors is climbing faster than I
could reasonably expect, and I don't even know how
you people found this place, beyond the dozen or so friends
I personally invited.
Unlike Views of Texas, my main photoblog, I don't even
try to post my best photos here. Instead this site
gets my mildly humorous rejects.
Anyone care to explain the success to me, or tell me
how you got here?

Monday, October 10, 2005

Anti-Pigeon Agenda

Clearly some downtown businesses feel that well-fed
pigeons are detrimental to profits.
So we have dumb signs and the occasional ratty, hungry
bird lurking outside ready to exact revenge.

Poop 'em good, birdy!

Monday, October 03, 2005

Settle Down, Girls

A recent message received by a band member: