Thursday, July 29, 2010

Monte Carlo SS

This Chevy was for sale recently down the street from my 'hood.
The striking similarities to my Oldsmobile Cutlass Supreme of the same period suggests 1985.
Our mom thought the Monte Carlo SS was just a little too muscular for a nice suburban lady so we settled on the very next best thing.
79,000 original miles, guys.
Hell, my Olds had more miles than that by '95!
Someone got a really sweet ride with this one--and if I wasn't looking for a truck right now this would have been the car of my dreams (if the price was right).
Unfortunately, I would have needed enough cash after the sale to buy some real wheels and especially tires.
The chromed Cragar mags are classic, but my Cutlass wore brushed aluminum American Racing wheels that were the simple dish type. Cragars were popular a little before my time.
And my cars (including a '77 Monte Carlo) always rode on Goodyear Eagles.
Back then, if you raced you used Eagles.
There was nothing else that rated consideration.
What the fuck is a Primewell?
Sounds like the crap you buy at PepBoys because you don't know any better.
"Ohhh--raised white letters! They MUST be cool!"

Speaking of PepBoys/AutoZone:
Obviously, this car has a nice aftermarket stainless steel dual-exhaust system.
The factory system surely rusted-out years ago.
But the chrome exhaust tips in the Chevy BowTie design?

I used to laugh at the guys who bought cars that were fast from the factory but too complicated for the average suburban dildo to work on himself.
They would wander around the big autoparts stores on Saturday looking to spend money on their fine ride, but not have a clue about camshafts and carburetors, springs and swaybars, locking lugnuts and lemon air fresheners.

So they would buy chrome license plate frames with simulated chains, an STP sticker (without knowing jack about Stone Temple Pilots), and the damned fuzzy dice.
Because they were players, dammit!
(Fuzzy dice, because you shoot craps all the time? Really?? REALLY??? More like Yahtzee, son).

I'm not saying I was a major gear-head, although I have done my share of wrenching.
But I never hung cheap-ass crap on my fine automobiles.
If an item didn't make it faster, corner more solidly, or make my tunes sound better, I ignored it.

Purity of design and function.
No bullshit bling on my guitars or guns, either.

Looking back on this year's posts, Zzakk's Garage is starting to lean solidly towards the subject matter that it's name might suggest.
Lots of cars in 2010!

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Glad He's Not Driving

On NW Military between Loop 1604 and the Alon Market HEB at Wurzbach Pkwy, we were entertained by the antics of this drunk punk:

In all of recorded history, has yelling incomprehensibly at girls in other cars (or chariots) while waving your arms around ever worked?

I am Spartacus , and I got her number.

Good Luck, buddy!
Let us know how that works out.


Thursday, July 15, 2010

Real Men?

As a "real" man who happens to love Jesus, this truck offends me.

Is this meant to sway men who are on the fence as far as both Christianity and their sexual identity?
Appealing to their self-doubt doesn't seem like something Jesus would approve of.
He never used this tactic anywhere in the Bible that I can recall.

If someone doesn't believe, but then makes the leap based on seeing this truck, I'm afraid I have to doubt their sincerity.
This kind of stuff makes Christians look like idiots--on par with the loud and obnoxious "preachers" who make visiting the Alamo such an ordeal.

Proclaiming that real men love kittens isn't going to make someone who hates cats suddenly love them, so why would it work for something as serious as faith?

So annoying...