No Good Deed Goes Unpunished--Baseball Edition

The title of this post refers to this one from the Garage's 3rd month.
(There have been more than enough other examples, but without photos I don't blog about them).



We've had a good many months of above average rainfall.
No more drought, no more water restrictions, life is good.

But this Spring has seen some explosive growth, as if the plants are striking back after 2+ years of abuse.
Trees that were just bare branches one week had full foliage the next.
Weeds are out of control.
My lawn isn't dead meat after all.
The wildflowers are back with a vengeance.
Many surprises!


Last week I mowed my back yard for the third time in a month, which is the same number of times it got cut in all of 2009 and it's only April!
Then I went to work on the grasses, weeds, and hackberry trees in our alley.

This phone-cam photo shows the unchecked mess to the west of our property line.
All she has to do is pay her hired crew to cut the forest down, but it never happens.
Behind OUR fence it's code compliant and looks pretty nice, for an alley.

My neighbor to the east is a nice old man who lost his wife to cancer a few years back.
Retired military, too.
I like to keep his part of the alley trimmed, too.
I've never mentioned it, and if he thinks it's the people on the other side of the alley that's fine with me.
I do it because I want to.
If the earth had spun slightly faster on a couple of days long ago my own parents could have been alive and retired and old, and I would have been a lawn-mowing machine for them.


But in the middle of my feel-good grass clipping I hit a fucking baseball hidden in the weeds!
It lodged against the side of my Murray and stopped the motor dead.



1) Tried to pry it out with my backyard fireplace poker?
Bent the iron!
2) Loosen the blade?
Wedged tight against the side and won't move at all.
3) Hacksaw the ball?
Blade snapped right away. WTF?
4) Dremel™ tool with a new cutting wheel?
It goes through steel like butter but after less than 2 minutes on that baseball the wheel disintegrated.
5) At this point I stuck a screwdriver into the grooves I had cut and managed to split the ball in half.
CorkFucker.

A new blade for my lawnmower cost $13.47 at WalMart.
And now that I have this new blade, why the hell won't the grass grow like it did last week?

I want to cut something!

Why I Hate Outdoor Shows

National Parks

The sign below was refreshing with it's honesty.
"Break-ins Have Occurred" is a simple statement of fact that elevates an everyday lawyerly warning to reality, and I appreciated it.
Mission Concepcion, April 3, 2010.


This one has the opposite effect.
I get really pissed-off when people think that the world is their playground.
Is a crappy snapshot of Junior perched on the crumbling walls of a historic location really worth angering the ghosts and bloggers?
Mission San Jose, April 3, 2010.
5 years +1 day earlier I took another photo of people being disrespectful while visiting what I consider sacred ground.
It was only the 3rd post here at Zzakk's Garage, and I certainly didn't hold my tongue back then, did I?

This time I wanted to slap the parents of a 6 year old boy who exploded into the church and was allowed to yell whatever came to mind at full volume.
My face and ass would have been pink for a week had I pulled that shit in public at his age, and now I suddenly feel very old.

NameThat Car

Clues: '70s, rare, not so much a musclecar as a sporty wannabe, based on a POS.

Fuck Maxtor

This is the shitty harddrive that failed.

Got a Seagate Barracuda to replace it, and spent all of last night installing new RAM and XP, plus many of my other programs and settings.
It's like a new computer--bigger and more.

Consumed a lethal amount of vodka, but that's the rule when working on computers.

I have only owned 5 harddrives before yesterday, and the only two that have failed were Maxtor.

Here's Your Titty Shot!

The orange paper has an exact copy of the other side of the shot glass.

Back in 1991 when my brother and I owned a screen printing company (that did everything but T-shirts) we used to make personal items from time to time.
I handled the artwork/typsetting and darkroom, plus made the screens--Ken was in charge of the machinery and tooling (makes perfect sense if you know us) and then we would do the actual printing together.

He had me pirate the art of Patty Melt whipping out her tig old bitties from a Cherry Poptart adult comic, and we shipped a couple of the shot glasses to Larry Welz (the comic's author) who then sent us the original and never-seen-before-now drawing that's in the frame.

I put milk in the glass so our printing would be legible in the photo, then drank it.
Probably the only time I have tasted white milk since we made the shotglass 18 years ago.

Enchilagna

I'm going to assume that you already know how to make enchiladas.
We took a pound of 90/10 ground beef plus all the other usual ingredients like onions, grated cheese and enchilada sauce, then made a layered casserole just like you would prepare lasagna, in a 9x9" Pyrex dish.
(I'm also assuming you have a passing aquaintance with the structure of lasagna).

Cutting the corn tortillas in half makes it easier to get their edges to cooperate with a square pan.

The main thing is that you don't have to fry the tortillas, or fill and roll them.
This cuts out a ton of prep time, so you're saying "Mmmm...oh my God...more!!!" at least half an hour sooner and the taste is pretty much the same.

Using tortillas that haven't been fried means less grease, which is good for you.

All Hail Zzakk's Garage Post #301

One of those storms that's unlike anything I've seen previously.
A long front--by the time the sucker hit us it had suddenly developed into a line that spanned three big Texas counties, but was so thin that the hail, rain and high winds only lasted for 15-20 minutes or so.
Should have made a screen-grab of the radar--never seen white on the Nexlab Mosaic Animation before.

Hail is fun when it isn't dangerous. Our metal patio roof sounded like a bad drummer who only uses the snare and tunes it really high.
I love how the TV weather dorks always use something dumb to help their viewers visualize the size of hail--as if they've never used a ruler before.
Then again, the general public isn't as swift as my readers :)

"Pea-sized hail" makes me think it's yellow, too.
"Baseball-sized hail" is bigger than pool ball hail, but is it heavier?
Apparently there's no such thing as hail-sized hail, yet every single hailstone is exactly that.
(Don't think about it too much or you'll freak out, ya damn dirty hippies!)

I used the classic quarter comparison, since it was in my pocket and has become the blogging standard.

A neighbor was out watching from the front porch, too.
Her awesome yelled advice was to "Put your cars in the garage!"
Okayyy...thanks?
Like we're too stupid to think of that ourselves?
Would've been the first thing we did instead of taking pictures had Zzakk's actual Garage not been too busy holding bikes and tools and other extra junk, listening to Iron Maiden, making out with that slutty 3-car garage from the next street over, and getting into my vodka.

The older Honda is a faded stealthy ripper that revels in it's ugliness (and redlight purchase offers) while the newer one saved us at least 3 grand by already having hail damage that you can only see when the moon is full.

Our position is that "Acts of God" are muy bien.

Hooray Beer!

Not much you can add to that message.

The lights actually ran a clock-wise chase pattern around the sign, but the long exposure necessary rendered a full-on effect which probably works better anyway.
I offered to take it home and replace the 4 dead LEDs, but for some reason they weren't interested.

Some people aren't as dumb as they look...


Zzakk's Garage Hits 15,000

And I was lucky enough to catch the moment!

I keep screenshots of all the major milestones on my main blogs, but usually miss them by several digits.

Thanks JC?

Ever find yourself looking at what is obviously a vanity plate and being unable to decipher it's message?
Poor planning by illiterates with something to say but no skills at saying it.


This one is easy, so I moved right to the next question:
"Who is this JC they wish to thank"?

It's not to hard to eliminate a few:
Jimmy Carter?
No, Habitat for Humanities doesn't build houses for people who can afford new Cadillacs.

Both of Sylvia's parents are JCs, but I think a 'thank you' phone call or visit would be cheaper and easier.

Phoebe on Friends?
She only thinks her initials are JC.
(JC Banana Hammock?)

Jiminy Cricket?
Nahhh...what's he done for anyone lately?

Former Texas Governor (the late) John Connolly?
"Thanks for taking a bullet, but couldn't you have been in the back seat instead?"
Not Cool.
Sorry.

Actor Jack Cassidy (father of David and Shaun)?
Hmmm...an aged former teenybopper thanks sperm donor/absentee father who burned to death while probably drunk?
No way.


These are just off the top of my head.
With Google I could keep this up for hours.

There is only one answer that makes sense:Jenny Craig!

A cute little white caddy parked very close to Ann Taylor and Victoria's Secret, among other places that cater to well-heeled petites and newly petites?
Bingo!

I wouldn't mind being wrong, but the most obvious answer isn't funny.
It's just nice.


Any other contenders you can think of?

January 1st Shopping Crisis

Looking to score some some bargains on Christmas junk for next year, we went to Target after a late breakfast.
I had to pee really bad, but figured that with TWO crews the plumbing would be fixed in no time at all.
I was wrong, and it sucked.
Didn't buy anything, then whizzed to Academy.
(And at Academy).

Whoever killed the men's room at Target (1604/Blanco), next time please stay home and nuke your own damn toilet.
Thank you.
(I hope it hurt).

Just In Case...

...you don't visit the photoblog where I post pics and commentary for the three bands that I work with, here's a tasty shot using wireless remote flash and some bonus cigarette smoke from the drunk chicks that spiked local sales figures of Michelob Ultra tonight.

Lucky Strikes Again

That crazy cat was sleeping near our driveway, all tired out from hunting and killing this big old rat.

Lucky/Not Lucky

On the way out of the house looking for breakfast I saw enough feathers to make me think of a pillow fight gone bad. Spotting the pretty but dead woodpecker I said "Oh crap!" out loud and within seconds heard the familiar voice of Lucky, one of the many cats who live on our street.

Out of all the kitties around here, this guy is the only one who not only doesn't run away but actually comes up to me for attention.
LOTS of attention, and he never shuts up!

Being a life-long "cat person" I was frustrated for years by the skittish pussies on our street, so after making Lucky's aquaintance I actually bought a can of treats to give my new buddy whenever we crossed paths, and I guess the dead bird was his way of returning the favor in this Thanksgiving season.

You can see the hunter in him.
I was a little bummed that such a pretty woodpecker died on my driveway or porch or sidewalk (feathers are everywhere!) but such is the circle of life.
(Edit: This was a male Golden Fronted Woodpecker, and a real fine example at that. I saw him the day before hanging upside-down from our patio timbers looking for lunch in the form of ants and the bumblebees that live in big holes.)


Here's the funny part:
Around Halloween I found a familiar red cat collar on the driveway behind my car, and brought it inside.
Over a week later I hung out with Lucky for a few minutes and remembering the collar (partially seen in photo #1) fetched it and hooked him back up.
My hope was that his owners would be completely mystified as to how this goofy cat managed to not only find it again but also put it back on by himself!

It was one of those pranks where you don't get to witness the results, but it still gives you a warm feeling of satisfaction and makes for a good story.